Story from my life. "....just might get it"

Here's a new segment for everyone. Basically, i've had a crazy life. I've surrounded myself with characters that would be unbelievable even in movies. I hate boredom, and the people in my life make sure that i'm never bored and have given me a shit ton of stories. Here is one.




-"Be careful what you ask for. You just might get it"

A lot of fucking people. And the pussycat dolls


I don't remember the day I met Jacob Grijalva. It seems like i've known him my entire life. I do know that we have been friends since AT LEAST kindergarten and Kiddie College(which just had a hall of fame cast of characters).


Jake and I became fast friends and our personalities made for interesting moments. There was the time I confided in him that my parents were, embarrassingly, taking me to a urologist to have my urethra checked on(it needed to be widened. happens a lot and is genetic I think as me and my brother both had to have it done). He interpreted this and announced it to the class as "Hey....Nic is going to the dr because his balls are too small". There was the time he made fun of my mom so I drew a giant picture of a tombstone with his name on it and hung it in the class with the phrase "i'm going to kill you" on it. Jesus. I would've been expelled if I did that in this day and age, even though I was probably 9 or 10. There were other tales, but we'll get into those at another time.


The point is, we were brought together early in our lives by coincidence and our personalities led us to be friends but also led us to both have an "alfa dog" mentality and we clashed....a lot....over girls, objects, and things even dumber. I say all of that just to kind of give a background on Jacob and I because he'll probably be in several of these stories.


So here is the actual story part. Jacob and I are both large mammals....he larger than I.....and played football. Coach McCrory used to pseudo racistly call him "the biggest Mexican to ever cross the Rio Grande". Coach McCrory could just say shit and somehow get away with what others couldn't. Jacob was a bit....um....short tempered in his early years. He once body slammed a quarterback in a fucking B team football game and got ejected. After the game I ask him why and he said "fucker kept throwing it before I could get to him". So yeah. The fact that Jake didn't ram McCrory's head up his ass at 90 miles an hour lets you know he kinda liked him.





Jacob seen here not murdering the shit out of coach McCrory



So, the best part of playing football isn't even playing football. Or it wasn't for me anyway. My favorite year of football was 10th grade....the one year I didn't hardly play at all. It was because we had a core group of guys we'd sit on the sideline and bullshit with. As 15 year old boys are prone to do....we'd talk about sex....a lot. Sex we'd had, sex we wanted to have, sex we wished we hadn't had and sex we were gonna have and probably later wish we hadn't. Well, before Jacob had ever had sex for the first time....all he talked about was anal sex. He had a fucked up obsession with it. We'd all be talking about regular sex or oral sex and he just went straight for the poop shoot. Even girls he'd have crushes on where you usually hold them in high regard.....he just wanted to sodomize. But that was Jacob.






So....Jake moved to Texas right as we reached adulthood. As things go when you reach adulthood and move off, we kept in touch casually but not frequently. One day, my girlfriend at the time(who is now my wife) and I were riding with an ex girlfriend of Jacob's and he randomly called her phone. He found out I was in the car and asked to speak with me. We shot the shit for hours....running down Tiffany's anytime minutes with reckless abandon when Jake drops this bomb on me.

Conversation as fucking close to verbatim as I can remember it


Jake: Ah....dude. Guess what else I did?

Nic: What's that?

J: Fucked a girl in the ass

N: Really? Was it everything you'd hoped?

J: Well....let me tell you the story. So...when I was the manager of a What-a-burger out here(I believe Fort Worth) I met this girl and we hit it off. So we started dating and stuff and I really like her. She's cool as shit, right?

N: Gotcha

J: So we start having sex and what not and we develop feelings for each other. So I want to try anal sex.

N: Of course

J: Yeah. So....I'm like "Look, I like you and you like me. We could just try it once and it'll be something we've only tried with each other." So finally she agrees.


N: Awesome


J: Fucking shit was disgusting. It was fucking warm and dry. Like, then I tried to have sex like normal with her the next day....I was so grossed out I couldn't even get hard anymore. I broke up with that bitch


N: Jesus Christ


J: Yeah. So don't do that shit.


N: noted


end of convo



So, that would be the end of that story...except, I just spoke with Jacob a couple of hours ago to get his permission to tell this story(his answer: dude....tell whatever crazy ass stories about me you can remember) and I recount to him this one and he says this

J: "Man...you know what's crazy? Even after that shit happened....every girl I go out with, I try to convince them to have anal sex. I think to myself 'goddamn it...don't you remember what happened last time?' but it doesn't matter."









Jacob seen here....probably fucking something in the ass



Yeah, that's my life.



If you liked this one, i've got more for the future and i'm leading the readers vote on which one is next. The choices are


-Burning of the bitch book

-Drunken Jake/AKA "The Penis Monster"

-M's wasted condom bomb

-Innocence "kinda" lost

-Wedding preacher cussin/"THEY DID WHAT?"


All are solid and all will probably get told on this blog barring my death or a key character silencing me.