An open letter to the radio guy who pissed me off

Dear radio guy who pissed me off


What the fuck man? Really. Oh. You don't know what i'm pissed about? Oh ok. Well then, that means you're a fucktard a lot and I just happened to be listening this one time. Let me break it down for you. I have to drive. A lot. It sucks ass. It's up to about an hour and twenty minutes round trip, 5 days a week. I've really listened to every track of every cd I have(which is a bunch) 6 times too many at least. Occasionally, i'll get a wild hair up my ass and, retardedly, decide to see what's on radio. One fateful night in particular....you gave me this gem


*beginning of that fucking Fray song about him being mopey and sad. Oh? That's all of them? Well....shit. The one they used for the last season of "Lost"*




Yeah, i'd be sad too

Radio guy who pissed me off(my snide comments in parenthesis): "Here's the new one(7 months old at this point) by The Fray. This is the song from this season of 'Lost' but these guys are actually big fans of 'The Office'! Here's..."(whatever the fuck the name of that song is.)

That's stupid. It's really really stupid. Like.....ok....(stutters a bit, head starts to hurt)...So, these assholes struck a deal with ABC to use their song for Lost. Cool. Now....(rage starting to boil inside)...these assholes probably watch tv. Most people do. So, by fucking default, they are going to like something on tv...and 'The Office' has a shit ton of fans and is probably a good show(haven't seen it). They aren't inventing the wheel by saying they like 'The Office'. (slow drip of blood down my nose and into my mouth....spilling onto the keyboard but being completely ignored....except for the part where i'm writing about it right here). K...so WHAT THE FUCK DOES THEM LIKING THE OFFICE HAVE TO DO WITH THE SONG OR LOST!?!?!?!? It's just a hobby. I don't need fucking fun facts. This isn't "pop up video...and by the way, that would be the worst pop up in pop up video history. It'd be worse than the time the pop up told me "she-bop" by Cindy Lauper was about masturbation and I had to think about Cindy Lauper masturbating...and that was pretty bad.





this...but finger banging herself


Now, if you have some interesting shit to say, by all means. If you want to say "This is the song for the 5th season of Lost....but these guys actually think Lost is a big pile of shit and hopes the entire cast and their family get swept away by a typhoon so they won't have to deal with making songs for them anymore" then say it. I love "Lost", so i'd think that was pretty shitty, but at least it'd have something to do with the price of tea in china.





the last time you'll see me mention tea without my scrotum being involved


Look, you're job as the d.j. is to fill 30 seconds in between playing terrible songs. Every once in a while, you MAY be asked to take a request from some dumbass who wants to hear the same Usher song you just played 3 songs ago but he didn't hear because he was taking a shit and is too cheap to buy the cd and too dumb to just go to youtube(i'm not done with you, you son of a bitch. You're next) and listen to it....probably with some girl shaking her ass in boy shorts as the video which is an improvement over the real video of him dry humping a tree or whatever.





apparently that was his wife and not a tree. i apologize to trees everywhere

So, you talk about the shitty band and play the song and you can do your bong load or go back to sexting the 17 year old girl you're creepily "in love with". But don't give me random shit they like. That's pointless. I'd rather hear dead air. Like, where would we draw the line?


"Here's a goodie by Elton John. Ya know....he says 'she' packed his bags last night pre-flight....but he actually likes fucking guys in the pooper. Here's 'Rocketman'"


no image


"Here's one by The Wallflowers. This was a song off the 'Godzilla 2000' soundtrack but none of these guys actually saw that movie because.....no one actually saw that movie. But Bob Dylan was the lead singer's dad. It's 'We could be Heroes' coming up next"


"Hey, we got some Soulja Boy coming up next. Interesting fact....Soulja is actually spelled incorrectly and it's a misnomer because he isn't actually a soldier by all accounts. Another product of the failed Mississippi Public School System. Here is 'Ya Bitch'"

"Good one by Travis Tritt, who likes Cheerios. 'Anymore' by request"






So yeah. How about we shape up and cut the shit and commence with the entertaining me for free thing. Eh? Deal? Good.

Thanks.

Nic