Wednesday, March 17, 2010


I was gonna do a whole thing on country music and lyrics that went against country fan's ideals.....but I decided to expand it to other fields. This should be somewhat entertaining

Field: Hip Hop

Artist: Game

Song: Wavey (Jay-Z diss)

Ideal he violates: While hip hop hasn't taken an anti beastiality stance, I assume they are anti beastiality until stated otherwise

Lyric: "You and Dame was mens and nem. Yall was tighter than giraffe pussy"


Field: Country

Artist: Trace Adkins

Song: Swing

Violated ideal: Country people don't like the gays

Lyric: "Jimmys out. Next in line"

Look, I don't give a shit if I took it out of context. Fuck Trace Adkins. He's talking about a bunch of guys in a bar and baseball then says his Jimmy is out and ask who was next in line. Did I misinterpret it? I'll answer that question with another question. Are you curious enough to listen to a shitty Trace Adkins song to find out? Didnt think so. Keep it moving. He said "Jimmys out" and didn't say "pause". That's gay. Also, you can't wear cock bulge blue jeans and expect me not to challenge your manhood.

*see also: Kenny Chesney and Rascal Flatt's entire career

Field: Simple, funloving, soundtracky, noncontroversial safe music

Artist: Randy Newman

Song: "Rednecks" and "Sail Away"

Violated Ideal: Offending everyone in two songs

Lyrics: Rednecks: "Some smart ass New York jew.....We talk real funny down here. We drink too much and laugh too loud. Too dumb to make it in a northern town. Keepin the [n word]s down. We got no neck oilmen from Texas and good ole boys from men from LSU, went in dumb and come out dumb too. Hustlin round the allegheny in alligator shoes. Gettin drunk every weekend at the bar-b-que. Keepin the [n word]s down. We're rednecks(x2) we don't know our ass from a hole in the ground. We're redneck(x2) keepin the [n word]s down. Your norther [n word] is a negro. See he's got his dignity. Down here we're too ignorant to realize we ought to set the [n word] free. Free to be put in a cage in Harlem in New York City. Free to be put in a cage on the south side of to be put in a cage(several other urban areas mentioned)

Sailaway: "In America you'll get food to eat. Won't have to run through the jungle
And scuff up your feet. You'll just sing about Jesus and drink wine all day
It's great to be an American.

Ain't no lions or tigers-ain't no mamba snake. Just the sweet watermelon and the buckwheat cake. Ev'rybody is as happy as a man can'll be as happy as a monkey in a monkey tree. You're all gonna be americans"

Oof. Holy shit. Look, for better or worse, when I say the name "Randy Newman" people either think of "You've got a friend in me" from Toy Story, "I love L.A" from everything about Los Angeles ever, or silly ass skits on family guy and mad tv. At a certain point Randy Newman became known as the guy who sings silly fun little soundtrack songs. It's lucrative i'm sure. At an earlier point in his life though, he was a satirical artist from L.A. who had lived in New Orleans for a couple of years. He wrote a bunch of songs that were controversial to say the least. I can definitely see what he's trying to do. In rednecks, in the first verse he lambaste the south for having a bunch of ignorant racist and then turns around in the second verse and ethers the rest of the country for looking down on the south acting all high and mighty when they are just as guilty of racism in different forms. It's clever. Will everyone get it and appreciate it for what you were trying to do? No. You're not going to convince many people to like your song by basically saying "'re all a bunch of dumb fucking racist hicks. of the country.....stop making fun of the southerners for being a bunch of dumb fucking racist hicks because you are all stupid and racist too. Hey black people....can't leave you out so i'm gonna drop the N bomb about 13 times in a song where i'm taking up for you". Good times. Then again, "All in the Family" was doing the same kind of thing around the same time and got the point across I guess. It definitely looks bad in retrospect but it was a different time and maybe these art forms decided America needed it shoved in it's face. "Sail Away" is a slave traders pitch to a future slave and has several stereotypes. I'll just say this: Far cry from his disney shit....and that's what this list is about.

Randy and Mr Potato Head had some awkward moments on set of Toy Story

What'd you say MOTHAFUCKA!!!

Field: Uh...hippie music

Artist: Greatful Dead(of course)

Song: Touch of Grey

Violated Ideals: bit too much capitalism and animal abuse not to mention seemingly being ok with eroding environment and failing education system

Lyrics: "I know the rent is in arrears The dog has not been fed in years
It's even worse than it appears But it's alright

Cows are giving kerosene The kid can't read at seventeen
The words he knows are all obscene But it's alright"

Really? The dog is starving to death but....fuck it. Let's smoke a bowl. I don't want my 'dead talking about rent being in arrears. Not cool. Now, pass the cherry garcia.

Field: Country

Artist: Tim McGraw

Song: "Red Ragtop"

Violated Ideal: Anti Abortion

Lyrics: "....we were young and wild. We decided not to have a child. So we did what we did and we tried to forget and we swore up and down there would be no regrets...."

Tim McGraw makes a song about this time when he was young....he took a break from peering one eyed behind a black hat and fucked someone who wasn't faith hill and knocked her up.
Tim McGraw performing on NBC's Today Show
Actually...I practiced while fucking. Why do you think i'm so good

You see, he explicitly states in the song though that times were tough and she was in school (presumably college since it is stated that she is 20) and he was out of a job at 18. He couldn't possibly get a job because how would he have time to practice peering from behind a hat for album covers or fucking poor man's faith hill if he did that? He couldn't afford condoms or birth control pills. Hell, he couldn't even afford to pull out because he didn't have the money to buy napkins to wipe it off her stomach. That's pretty poor. He didn't have any cash because he'd blown it all on black hats and tight ass pants

And apparently Jerry Seinfeld's pirate shirt

So able bodied bum Tim McGraw and gal pal decide they are gonna do some baby killin. He says they "did what they did" and leaves it to the imagination. Now, where that takes you is up to you. I'm going to assume they went to an abortion doctor....but since he's broke as shit, they may have gone the stairs or wire hanger route. Who knows?
Tim McGraw performing on NBC's Today Show
man.....fuck babies

SPEED ROUND(Artist-Song-Ideal-Lyrics)

Lil Wayne-"Barry Bonds"-anti gay-"you can get barry to suck my bat bitch"

Dr Dre-"Express Yourself"-weed-"Yo, I don't smoke weed or cess cause its known to give a brother brain damage and brain damage on the mic don't manage"(The Chronic came out just a few years later)

Cat Stevens-"Peace Train"-peace loving hippie shit-Actually...this isn't a good fit because it is about peace and he was all about that but later supported the fatwa against Solomon Rushdie

One more bonus before I get to the grand finale. "Harder to Breathe" by Maroon 5 pisses me off because in all their other songs they're talking about not going home without someone or tapping on someone's window or sunday morning and shit. On this one song though, he says

"I have a tendency of getting very physical. So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle"

Fuck off dude. No one is scared of you. You sing like you have 9 super fluffy marshmallows in your vagina and you look like you're about a biscuit away from 97 pounds. I hate when scrawny motherfuckers talk tough. *sigh*
25th Annual Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame Induction Ceremony - Press Room
what Nic's nightmares are made of

Just do your thing and sing the puffy shit. I even like some of it.

Ok, last one(and a classic)

Field: Country

Artist: Alan Jackson

Song: Several

Ideals Violated: The idea that country artist are just good ole boys from the country who are republican and capitalist in favor of a small central government

Lyrics:(here is what I put on sites throughout time as i've long suspected this liberal pinko radical leftist)

"That'd be alright(x2)
If everybody everywhere
Had a lighter load to bear
And a little bigger piece of the pie
We'd be livin' us a pretty good life
And that'd be alright"

-Any doubts that his favorite color is red or his favorite Lenin(Lennon) wasnt the one that said "i am the walrus" ?

-where he comes from, its less cornbread and chicken as it is borscht and goulash

-way down yonder on the chattahoochee, it gets hotter than a factory of people making ak-47's to fight off the capitalist

-at www.memory, he'll be waiting for the beautiful reemergence of the USSR patiently

-where were you when Gorbachev gave in and let the fascist, capitalist pigs tear down that wall, on that Novermber day

You know, I guess I never really paid attention to the lyrics of this song til the other day. I was on my daily long commute and Alan Jackson came on and I said "oh, here's this communist. Let's see what leftist rhetoric he spews in this song" and i caught this little ditty from the song 'gone country'

Well the folk scene is dead But he's holdin' out in the village
He's been writin' songs speakin' out Against wealth and privilege
He says 'I dont believe in money But a man could make him a killin'
'Cause some of that stuff don't sound Much different than Dylan
I hear down there it's changed you see They're not as backward as they used to be

then he goes on about how this fellow has 'gone country'. well sure he has alan. and that country is Cuba

Alan Jackson At Cracker Barrel To Promote The Alan Jackson Collection

*For those that can't read the text in the bubbles they say(very roughly translated):

"I enjoy Comrade Jackson's Music"

"5 o'clock somewhere is my shit"


"Hey Che, Go get my lowrider bitch!" *

1 comment:

  1. This one is for Nate Guyton *November* hahahahaha!! pretty good shit especially the pirate shirt and Tim McGraw with boobs!!